I've realized recently that my strongest assets pales in comparison to what's really out there in the big big world...you kinda get the feeling of the frog inside the well...on the one hand...it's kinda disheartening to know that what you once thought for sure would give you a comparative advantage actually is laughable in the face of real ability...on the other hand...this understanding of the limits of my abilities pushes me to rely on the Lord...because now I know that whatever i receive will be due to the Lord's mercy and not my own endeavoring...considerin' that my own endeavoring is weaksauce...
Ribbit...
Bitter-sweet times...you want to like someone...you think you've found the most amazing person...yet you convince yourself not to like them...in actuality...you cannot allow yourself to like them...due to the constraints of the circumstances on both sides...in a sense...you're so close...yet you're separated by the rapid currents of a uncrossable river...hard isn't it...merely being able to stand on the far bank and gaze across?...so what do you do?...what can you do?...just enjoy the moments as they come...
On that note...i need to use the restroom again...i drank too much apple juice...tho it was good apple juice...
I have been trained too well by my mother...i totally felt so much more relaxed after cleaning and organizing the junk off my desk...wow...i am such a nerd...but the desk does seem so much more spacious now...
Yay for three day weekends...they rock my socks...speaking of clothes...today i wore white shirt, white pants, and white shoes playin' ultimate frisbee...the field was muddy and slippery...and we all know what'll happen next right? correct...i became muddy too...hahaha...it must've been a sight to the people on the street as we walked back to our apartments from North Field...but man...it feels so good to shower all that mud off me...amazing how contrasts can boost your sensory enjoyment...
Even when you tell yourself it doesn't matter...and you try to believe it doesn't matter...for some stupid reason...deep down it matters...even when it logically shouldn't...I should be happy...I have great friends...and a new friend to boot...not gettin' to second rounds does not matter in the overall scheme of things...but for some reason it matters...how do I know it matters?...because you feel hecka gloomy for no reason at all...which means the thing that "doesn't matter" does actually matter...this is just retarded...I'm a logical person...but for some reason...the rest of me isn't responding to my logic...how friggin' depressing...
But...Philipians 4:4, "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I wil say, rejoice."
I haven't been going to bed at my normal bedtime these past few days...nevertheless...I have thoroughly enjoyed them...very much so...enjoyed the days...not the going to bed late part...im still a little in awe about the fact that I'm almost...just almost like in a Business industry version of "The Girl Next Door"...
Hmm...interviews were today...personally...i think i blew them...i knew how to do them...i had the capabilities to do them well...but i didn't perform up to par...so that's very disappointing...but we'll find out come Monday...however...even if i don't make it pass first rounds...it's actually okay...whatever the Lord wills is fine with me...perhaps sometimes I don't feel so great about it during that moment...but I know in the long-run...He knows what's up...and He knows what's best for us...
Sometimes I feel reluctant to write in this journal even though I have so much to say...'cuz somethings are jus' so much more exciting to tell in real-time than to jus' post on a journal entry...like the BG retreat to Tahoe this past Saturday...that was totally awesome...I had such a great time...but I don't think I can express how great it was in this entry...so you'll jus' have to ask me...
Man...first round interview coming up this Thursday...I need to start preparing hardcore...