I trip over myself and other people a lot...on the basketball courts...
When I was cleaning and packing during Spring Break, I found a short collection of my old deep thoughts...here they are:
1) They say that "Curiosity killed the cat," and then other say, "but satisfaction brought it back." However, if curiosity did kill the cat, it would be dead. And dead animals do not have thought processes nor emotions, so how could a dead cat gain satisfaction? Either curiosity did not really kill the cat, or else the cat that did come back was not the original...but a replica.
2) Work is a vicious cycle. One goes to their job all day to sweat and toil and kill brain cells. But for what? They work for a salary. What is this salary used for? The money is spent to buy food and drinks for nourishment, and other commodities for comfort. But why? So they can live another day to go back to work to make more money. And thus the cycle starts again.
3) If a snake swallowed its tail, would it end up swallowing its own head? On second thought, it'd probably turn into a ball or a circular disk.
A collection of thoughts from the past few days:
A few days ago, I went to the Haas library to nap...while I was napping...I had a dream...I dreamt that I was napping in the Haas library...how funny is that...
I don't like moving...it's so hard to pack...it is way too difficult to determine what you really need and what you really don't need...and what things will jus' end up being in a box in the future anyway so you should throw it away now while you're at it...too hard to think about future usage of items...the upside of packing tho is that you get to remember so much about yourself...it's like...i actually wrote that?...wow...the kid me was so genius...yea...im pretty impressed about what i used to produce...
And now for a hymn I really appreciated...Hymn #711
"I know not what awaits me,
God kindly veils my eyes,
And o'er each step of my onward way
He makes new scenes to rise;
And every joy He sends me comes
A sweet and glad surprise.
Where He may lead me I'll follow,
My trust in Him repose;
And every hour in perfect peace,
I'll sing, 'He knows, He knows';
I'll sing, 'He knows, He knows.'
One step I see before me,
'Tis all I need to see,
The light of heaven more brightly shines
When earth's illusions flee;
And sweetly through the silence comes,
His loving, 'Trust in Me!'
Oh, blissful lack of wisdom,
'Tis blessed not to know;
He hold me with His own right hand,
And will not let me go,
And lulls my troubled soul to rest
In Him who loves me so.
So on I go not knowing;
I would not if I might;
I'd rather walk in the dark with God
Than go alone in the light;
I'd rather walk by faith with Him
Than go alone by sight."
So...today I decide to go to the gym...and I figure hey...might as well drop-in for the "Abs and Back" class to strengthen my neglected muscles...turns out I'm like one of the four guys in a class of 50 or so girls...i felt very intimidated...and then the class began...nobody told me i shouldn't sit down...so i ended being made to do some lying down leg raises while the other people stretched...that majorly sucked...that class was hecka hard...like ridiculously ridiculously hard...i had like a cramp in my leg half the time...and the other half of the time...i could barely get my legs up...i look around and all the girls are doing the exercises good...and im lying there jus' trying to hold my legs in position with my hands...i came away marveling at the things girls put themselves through in order to maintain a good figure and flat stomach...at the same time...i was both extremeley impressed at how the girls could get through the entire set of exercises seemingly without too much effort and...I was also very ashamed and embarrassed about how pitiful my core muscles are...
Currently, I think I am going through a quarter-life crisis...I do pretty much the same things everyday...sure there's some variation...but pretty much the same thing week after week...and then I wonder...what profit all the labor here?...in elementary school, I knew I wanted to go junior high...in junior high I knew I wanted to get into high school...in high school I knew I wanted to get into Berkeley...at Berkeley I knew I wanted to get into Haas...all along I had a definite, specific goal right in front of my nose...but now...I feel as if I have lost my sense of direction...not in the sense that I don't have direction in my life...jus' that I have directions that go along opposing paths, which generates interference, whereby they cancel each other out...leaving me with no sense of direction...not to mention the uncertainty factors...blah...but i find it interesting how I can describe my social-behavioral anomie-ic feelings with physics of sound-waves analogies...goes to show that Humanities and Science can hold hands and take long walks along the ocean shore, whilst rubbish is washed up along the beach by oil-coated waves as a truck screeches and bellows along the nearby freeway...
Sometimes I feel like I am a porcupine...a social porcupine...it's not that I don't like people...it's jus' that sometimes I don't feel like I have the energy to maintain even a semblance of a conversation...chit-chatting w/ strangers isn't something natural...it actually takes quite a bit of effort and concentration on my part...especially in beginning the conversation...that takes like a jump start of mental energy...sometimes I feel bad...like for people that sit next to me in class who I don't know so well...i prolly come off as unfriendly...it feels like there's an air around me that keeps people away...I dunnos...sometimes I'm jus' tired...but sometimes I wouldn't mind talking if they started talking first...
Sometimes...as I sit in my room...I feel a sense of anomie...perhaps partly from the fact that there's some uncertainty regarding my impending future...perhaps also from the fact that sometimes I feel alienated from people around me...whether that disconnect is actually there or not I don't know...prolly most likely it's only in my imagination...but well...yeah...
Man...sometimes I can be so gloomy...