Regret is a terrible feeling...for me, it comes about when i kno i could have personally changed the course of a particular outcome, but chose not to for whatever stupid reason...this feeling eats and gnaws at your core from inside out...regret is especially painful when it comes about at the end of a particular segment in life, b/c there's not self-amelioration that "i'll do better next time" since there is no next time...that was it...and you knew blew it...
I want to do my telebears over again...should've dropped 3 classes at the beginning...but forgot to factor in that this was my last semester and that there are more important things than jus' gettin' more units...also since i didn't need extra units...and to add more fuel to the flames that were consuming what little remaining pride i had in my gpa...i also kinda somewhat gave up and flopped over at the end...
Such a tragedy...going out with a fizzle...
I went to Guanziling yesterday...its supposedly one of Taiwan's most famous hot spring sites...soaking in an onsen is very, very relaxing...i felt quite refreshed...i need to get me one of these onsen thingamajigs...now to first find a mini volcanic system and an oceanic trench...
Fun stuff too...one of the onsens was the type with what i guess you would call volcanic clay...so you rub clay all over yourself first (mainly your face b/c if you plaster it on your body...it'll jus' wash off in the water) before getting in...and since you all know me so well...yes...i fingerpainted the stuff on my face like warpaint and then went around hiding behind bushes...
Oh...and to top off the great evening...i was able to knock off three more animals from my list of creatures to eat...deer..serow...and crickets...yes...i ate crickets!...awesome...very crunchy...
Oh...i forgot to mention yesterday...Chiang Kai Shek Int'l Airport is super nice now...i was walkin' around at 5 AM in the morning waiting for my transfer flight at 8 AM...(yeah i kno...3 hour wait = painful)...and there was seriously a play place for kids...like one of those playpens you see at a McDonald...what with tubes and colorful slides and all...i was like...first time seeing one of these in an airport...
They also had like 3 prayers rooms...i thought that was interesting...in each room was a different setup...im assumin' for like different religions...like one room at colorful rugs...another had jus' chairs...and so on...
Taiwan has such great food that even the airport vending food stands are pretty decent...and you kno how airport food stands aren't usually that good...
So now I am officially done with college...kinda sad that it took me 4 extra days after my last final to be done...while everybody was out chillin'...i was sittin' around working on a presentation and a final report...of which the whole thing ultimately ended up being 116 pages...yes...you did not read wrong...that is 1...1...6...absolutely disgusting...and was a pretty penny to print too...utterly utterly gross...
I completely and utterly regret taking the classes i took this semester...i should've dropped 3 of them and then pick up another...then my last few weeks would've been ideal...*sigh*...forgot to factor in that this was my last semester when doing telebears...
But now I'm in Taiwan for a week...at least i dun need to do work this week...but i am sad that once i get back...many people would've left already...quite a sad thought...to go back in Berkeley, and realize that half the people you usually hang with aren't there to hang out with you anymore...changes...i dun like changes that much...
I think my general feeling right now is that of resignation...there are a lotta things that may happen and there are a lotta things that will not be...and ultimately...many of these are things I have no control over...no power with which to change the course of destiny...and all i can do...is to face them...and accept them as part of how my life plays out...
Wow. So I graduated today. I don't know, I still don't feel like I'm done with college. Might be because of the two upcoming finals and a 40-page report still due. But crazee...i walked today...think of that......I walked. I have more thoughts floating in my head...but dun have the energy right now to articulate them...so maybe in another update later...
You know...I really should get used to this...always friggin' happens at the end of the school year...i want to tear it out of the center of my being and crush it until it shatters to chaff and let the four winds blow its debris away...then maybe...just maybe...it'll stop its aching...y
You know...its friggin' annoying...to feel...like you say...the solution is not to get attached...but problem is...it's too late for that...
I called this so many entries ago...and I knew it was coming...yet...I'm still not prepared for it...d*mn it...
How did i kno...how did i kno...knew it...a day couldn't have been that perfect...*sigh*...always looking forward to something that so often fails to materialize...
You know...i lied in my previous entry...i actually can be disappointed...i already felt my inside being collapsing when i first heard that there would be a change in plans...that's the feeling when throughout the whole week you had been sustained by hope and then all of sudden...that hope turns out to be false...
I found it intriguing that so many people read my blog last month despite the fact that I hadn't updated pretty much all of April until the very last day...indeed...fascinating...
I am sooooo looking forward to Sat...and i dun think i'll be disappointed...cuz its hard to go bad with singing...at least there will be the singing even if everything else tanks...so no problem having good expectations of it all...
Now for some information that you prolly are all tired of hearing: i am so smitten...